The changing face of self-confidence


Our face is expose to the element on a daily basis, from the day we are born to the day we die. It is the most unique feature about a person. It the central organ to our senses and at the heart of our senses are the complex structure of expressions and emotions. Our sensory system include the vision, hearing, taste, speech and smell. The face holds 14 bones and its complex structural surface is full of intricate motion.

The face is crucial for our identity and our portrait to the outside world. It is the key for others to be able to distinguish us from one another. Its characteristic structures and expression are based on our subjective experiences from our culture, upbringing and ecology. This make the face the most important anatomical features to a person. It has long been the subject of mythology, religion, art, literature and media. It is the feature that most scrutinized, judged and stigmatized. It has long been an interest to physiognomy, which originated from Chinese Medicine around 2600 B.C where practitioners already developed the chi energy, yin and yang and the five elements.

The face change as you grow, as you experience events that traumatize and mark your face. The face changes shape, sizes and dimension as you gain wisdom, knowledge and life skills. It is forever changing. The face of confidence is an art that incorporate self-acceptance, self-awareness and self-actualization. It is a myth that you think you can ‘put on a confidence face’, the voluntary muscular twinges controlled by your true thoughts, feelings will give you away.

Embracing my Eastern traditions, I use physiognomy as an assessment tool to help me to decipher a client’s emotional states, read the lines on their face unlock events that they have experienced. My skills in therapy in corporate my Eastern traditions along with the Western practices of counselling and hypnotherapy.



Parkinson and Me

Block path

According to the BBC Health  and Parkinson UK many people hides their symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, for fear of stigma. Parkinson’s disease is a progressive neurological condition that currently has no cure but there are treatments available to help relieve the symptoms and maintain the quality of life you desire. These include supportive therapies (such as physiotherapy, psychotherapy, counselling), medication and, possibly, surgery.

People who suffer from Parkinson’s disease lack a chemical called dopamine because nerve cells in their brain have died. Dopamine is a compound present in the body as a neurotransmitter and a precursor of other substances including adrenaline, that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers. It’s purpose is to help regulate movement and emotional responses, fueling our actions to obtaining rewards.

People with low dopamine level may be prone to addiction, where certain receptors associated with sensation seeking, or those risk-takers and those addicted to risks such as in the cases gamblers.

Symptoms of Parkinson’s disease will display as tremor, slowness of movement and stiffness. It can be shown behaviourally in lack of sleep, fatigue, pain, blank or vacent stare, eye problems, speech and loss of communication which may result in tantrums and outbursts. It can be result in mental disorder such as anxiety, depression, dementia, hallucinations and memory loss.

Although, Parkinson do not cause death directly, however, the condition will deteriorate over time and living with the condition can be difficult, accepting the condition can be difficult for yourself and those around you. Before you can expect anyone else to accept the condition, you must first accept the condition yourself. This is easy said than done however.

Learn about self-acceptance through talking therapy can be effective. Try to be positive and focus on what you want from your life and how you want to live with the disease can help. Get yourself educated about Parkinson’s disease and get connected with those of the same condition can help support you. Stay active and stay connected with friends, family and the community. Love those around you who support you and still love you. Laugh at yourself when you are loss words trying to communicate – if you can do all this, you can go on living your life the way you want (with Parkinson’s disease).


Stress Awareness


April has been host to Stress Awareness Month since 1992. Stress is widely used in everyday’s language to describe the body’s reaction to any change that requires an adjustment, action or response. The body react to the changes with physical, mental and emotional responses.

Surely stress is as normal as your breathing? Why is it that we rate stress in a negative light? We put ourselves through stress by putting pressure on the body, we do thing in certain way and when faced with change, we view the change negatively.

Similar to anxiety, stress can be positive in keeping you alert and ready to avoid danger. Stress is negative when you become overwhelmed with the challenges and without relief or relaxation can caused tension to stack up. Prolong stressful situation can lead to physical problems such as headaches, upset stomach, IBS, increase blood pressure, high blood pressure, chest pain, difficulty breathing, and sleep disorders. When under such stress, generally, people will turn to alcohol, tobacco, drugs, exercise, food and other addictive tendencies in order to temporary relieve their stress. Unfortunately, you are exposing your body to a different kind of problem.

Each and everyone of us has different level of stress tolerance, knowing and maintain your healthy stress level is ideal. Stress can be emotional and physical.

Symptoms of emotional stress include:-

  • Becoming moody, irritated, agitated, and quick to anger.
  • Feeling like you are losing control, feeling overwhelmed.
  • Difficulty relaxing and quietening the mind.
  • Feeling bad, anxious and lose interests in activities and others.

Symptoms of physical stress include:-

  • Low or lack of energy.
  • Lethargy, unable to sleep, sleep pattern is disrupted.
  • Upset stomach, aches, pain, IBS and nausea.
  • Chest pain, irregular heart beat, fast and racing heat beat.
  • Dry throat, lump in the throat, coughing.
  • Cold/hot sweat in hands, feet, and body.
  • Lack of libido and sexual or physical desire.
  • Prone to cold/flu and other illnesses as the body is run down.

As pressure is experienced regularly, creating many demands; you know that lots of pressure eventual lead to stress, how can you control the inevitable? How can you reduce the severity of stress? How can you prevent certain thing or someone pressing your stress button?

Recognize when you are stress is the first step – trying to keep a stress journal that consists of:-

  • Establish your healthy and unhealthy stress scale (1-10 or 1-100 etc).
  • The date, time, place that trigger stress.
  • What were you doing, who are you with?
  • How you feel (from the gut – the emotions).
  • What were you thinking at the time of stress  (from the head – the thoughts).

Keep your journal going for the whole of April and see the patterns of stressful event that with high rate and become aware of triggers to your stress.

Only you can take control and take hold of the stress button. Now that you are aware of your stressful situation, you can choose to change, that is if you want to change. In situation where you can change, do something different, try something new and behave in different way. Some example may include addressing to the person or situation that you are stress, temporary remove yourself safely from the situation, taking a 10 minutes breather. In situation that you cannot changes; such as being stuck in traffic or roadwork whilst running late for an appointment, you can choose to think differently about the traffic jam or roadwork – give some thought to the poor person in the accident or the poor person who is working to improve the traffic infrastructure. Perhaps relaxation and breathing techniques would be useful for you. Whatever you try, and you may have to try several ways to find the best coping strategies for you. Be kind and gentle to yourself when you are working through the different way to cope.

But if all else fail…..perhaps an intervention through counselling or hypnotherapy can help.

A mother’s love as a compulsive helper

Mothers day

Published: March 2, 2016 by Patch Welling

Following my article with the Counselling Directory, I will explore the complex dynamic relationship of a mother’s love as a compulsive helper further. It is a safe assumption to think that compulsive helping is nice, healthy and kind.
It is not necessarily the case, it can be a hinder especially to her child(ren). It prevent normal development or healthy relationship. It prevent growth and undervalued emotional responsibilities. Children do not learn from their own experiences, as their emotional responsibilities are taken from them.
For this type of mother, she truly believes herself to be helpful and not doing enough by doing too much. She interferes and infers, insisting on doing things for the child, doing things her way, and removing their free will. She reduces their dependent and keep a firm hold on their worth.
Here are some helpful signs to check if your mother falls into the compulsive helper category.
• She interferes and infers in your lifestyle, by calling round or telephone you on a daily basis.
• She offers to help you, help your friends, help you with your family and help you with chores, when it unnecessary.
• She adopt a passive manipulative tactics to make you feel bad for rejecting her offers of help.
• She give unsolicited advice on the practical ways to help you with routine tasks.
• She uses emotional blackmail to make you feel bad for rejecting her offers to help.

Compulsive helper are relative unrecognized as a psychological symptom of addiction but it is the mirror-image of primary addiction to mood altering substances. It is about seeking something out there to help them feel better about themselves, by offering themselves to other people. They have a strong need to be needed and feel valued.
Of cause, generally we strive to fulfill our purpose and to reach our self-actualizing tendency, to living life to the full. The compulsion begins when someone forces or being forced to do something. In this case, a mother will force herself into the child’s life by excessively offering to help.

In order to have a better and healthier relationship with your mother, first identify if she is a compulsive helper and try the followings tips.

• Establish clear boundaries, restrict visits if necessary.
• Listen to the offers, give feedback on the offers of help and give clear reason for rejecting the help.
• Acknowledge the passive manipulative tactics and give alternative healthy responses.
• Acknowledge the unsolicited advice and imply own alternative healthy responses.
• Acknowledge emotional blackmail and stand your ground.
• Breathe and count (3 in your head) before responding. It does not pay off to retaliate to her responses in unhealthy negative emotions.

If all else fail….call me to explore your complex relationship dynamic through psycho-therapeutic counselling further.

Look into my eyes, right into my eyes, not around the eyes….

Blus spiral

Published: January 31, 2016 by Patch Welling

Learn how to pace and synchronize your breathing to match the person that you are keen to get to know through hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy can be used as preventative therapy as well as treatment for many dad-to-day issues. Hypnotherapy is a form of relaxation using hypnosis to psycho-educate the unconscious for change.

Some people blushed and gets very embarrass when speaking to someone they fancy. Some people gets tongue-tied. Some people gets ‘hot’ or flushes.

In hypnotherapy, as you are taught to focus your breathing and through guided sensory suggestions, you can control your nerves when speaking to someone you like, someone in authority or even to someone you dislike. Even if you don’t like this person, you may need to get along in certain situation. You may even have to speak in public or give presentation, this technique can be useful to help calm those nerves.

Pacing your breathing and experience is paying attention and focus to the intuitions you have about others. It is about the present moment rather than jumping into the future thoughts that this person, you fancy, is your ideal mate. In order to pace, you need to understand your present state in order to build upon your desired state.

Enough of the technical jargon. Whatever your presenting, try this simple technique, used routinely in NLP to control your nerves.

• Pay attention on the inside. You will become more sensitive to your thoughts and feelings. The mores sure you are inside the surer you will show on the outside. You heard of the terms; the confidence comes from within? Pay attention to your intuition and how you feel about the person you are speaking to. How much do you want to get to know this person? How important is it to get on?

• Look into their eyes, not around their eyes, and not like staring or glaring at them. However, if they look away, you need to look away. Mirror their eyes movement. Look into someone’s eyes is an art, show interest and genuineness. Looking at someone’s eye and looking away is seen as seductive. Most girls know about the ‘bedroom’ eyes. Be sure of your intention as you may give out ‘wrong’ signals. If you are really besotted about the person, your eyes will show this. If you are happy, your eyes will show this.

• Match their body language, subtly. EG: when speaking to someone you like on a night out, and this person started to fiddle with his/her glass, copy their movement gently. Copy any gestures as well. Other gestures include smiling, open body language, leaning in towards each other etc. But try not to do it immediately or blatantly as this will block further communication.

• Match their tonality and voice volume. If the person that you are engaged in conversation is speaking softly, speak softer and lighter.

• Rapport building. As you pace the person breathing, eye movements, body language and tonality using the same phasing, you will soon develop a rapport with the person. As you have developed rapport through pacing and matching, you would have experience temporal amnesia as the night drawing to a close. You would have forgotten about your tongue-tied, flushed face and hotness. Your rapport is going so well, that you can now lead the other person into exchanging numbers possibly a date?

Mind over Weight Loss – Try Hypnotherapy

Weight loss

Published: January 4, 2016 by Patch Welling

Try Hypnotherapy for your New Year’s resolution and think yourself thin!
Why is it every January most of us make a vow to go on a diet and increase exercise after the sheer indulgence from Christmas? Why is it that many of us fail to keep up this New Year’s resolution? Why not focus on the here and now to make the change with hypnotherapy?
How can hypnotherapy works with the mind to promote changes in your body? By working with the mind to focus on what feels good, feeling fit and healthy. We all put pressure on ourselves to look good and we compare ourselves to others. Working with the mind will shift these negative thoughts to focus on ‘doing’ rather than thinking. Who haven’t pick up a bar of chocolate or ‘treats’ as a pick-me-up? If you say that you haven’t, think again….Working with the mind, we can consciously think about when or why you eat, will help isolate your emotional distress to healthy eating for nourishment, rather than eating to compensate an emotional distress.

As we go through our daily lives, we cannot avoid the minor stress that make us anxious. Driving into work can be stressful, using the public transport can be stressful, and any simplest things can make us anxious, so it’s tempting to ‘reward’ ourselves with another bar of chocolate. Working with the mind to identify trigger to your eating habit and we can break the anxious hold it had over us.
Working with the mind we can focus on your goals, and what you want to achieve. So many of us focus on what we don’t want, why do we waste so much energy focusing on this?  Instead let’s focus on what you want. Hypnotherapy works with the mind to focus on healthy mind, healthy body and the result naturally follows. As you shred the negative unhealthy thoughts and emotional distress; feeling good, watch the body shred those pounds!

Are you a shopaholic?


Published: November 30, 2015 by Patch Welling

Buy now, Pay later!” “Buy 1 get 1 free!” “Buy 3 for the price of 2!

With Christmas around the corner, there seems to be a spending frenzy, promotional taglines are everywhere, on shop windows, in store, online and offline.  We cannot get away without seeing taglines such as these to tempt us to spend spend spend.  I don’t know about those with oniomania (compulsive shopping), but sometime I find it hard to resist a bargain.

We all love to shop and spend money – also known as ‘Retail Therapy’ – but this is becoming problematic for many, especially women.

I hold my hand up to impulse buying because it was on a deal.  In my closet, there are items of clothing still unworn and with label.  I would go as far as admitting that I have hidden some clothing item that I have purchased from my partner.  Does this make me compulsive?

In today’s world, we are encouraged to spend by everyone and eye catchy adverts with hip-hop tunes make us hook, line and sinker.  We are baits to the sellers and retailers.  Even seeing our family and friends with new ‘things’, make us want it too. Is this so that we fit in with the current trend?

Shopping used to stop when the shops closed, but nowadays, the availability of the internet online stores such as eBay, Amazon and many other retailers have become available 24/7.  Shopping never sleeps. You can shop as much as you like which is a nightmare scenario for the compulsive shoppers.

Shopping addiction can ruin lives and like other form of addiction, there will be progressive loss of control, increasing obsession and compulsion, secrecy and significant damage to finances and relationships.

If you think you are a compulsive shopper or know someone that you are concerned about, take control and give me a call. I can offer one-to-one psychotherapeutic sessions to curve your spending habits.  I will adopt a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to effectively help you to change your shopping addict and find another coping strategy to the underlying uncomfortable feelings.