For years, I’ve been searching and chasing my tails! Like an Ouroboros! Really unsure of what I was looking for and testing different paths, roads and highways. I walked 500 miles. And I walked 500 more!
I don’t regret my search, it was the path that I needed to take. It was the journey that I needed to make.
Now in my 40s, at the virtue life stages of care, I came to a jolt. Halted by the realization, that I am back to the beginning of my search, back to square one, and back to my roots.
I wanted to know who I am, I wanted to know why I am here, I wanted to know; what is my purpose, I wanted to understand; what is my role and I wanted to identify the real me.
In my reach, I have read many self-help books, I have been in counselling and, still in counselling as I am studying for my MA. See more about me. I have reflected, contemplated and explored my psyche. I studied many forms of psychological approaches to understand my psychological profile. I have studied sociological societies and cultural differences. I have personally experienced polarized effects of differences between Eastern and Western societies. I have experimented with different types of therapies, mostly alternative therapies, such as hypnotherapy, NLP, aromatherapy, reflexology, mindfulness, meditation etc.
I wanted to fit in and belong, whether it be in a family group, community group, school group, or social group.
My journey was lonely at times. I had loneliness as my company. At times, I found myself to be lost. Tempted by materialism and greed, I began to acquire un-necessities. I was pressured into being someone that I didn’t like. I was comparing and competing against others, forced to see thou as enemy. I was confused by etiquette and political correctness.
My journey was blocked when I got stuck. Like a runner; hitting a wall, I could go no further. I was physically and mentally exhausted.
I was so busy in my search that I’d missed the beauty of my ecology. I passed through many wonders, many people and many places. Whizzing at 100 miles per hour! I missed it all!
It was only when I came to slowing down. Walking slowly and slowing my speed and pace that I realized what I had missed.
Going right back to my roots, from my earliest memories as a child, I missed the bonding, the connection and the love that I didn’t know or had. I missed having someone that I can trust. I longed for the touch and intimacy of being wanted. I yearned in my heart for the acceptance and welcoming. That’s the reason for my search.
Going back to my roots allow me to retrace my footprints in the sand. It allows me to relive some of the painful experiences and traumas in childhood. It allows me to find the earliest pain that was deep in my core. My heart and my maternal imago, and being Thai and being a Buddhist.
Going back to my roots, I found the gift that was given, the unspoken gifts and the gift made up the person I am today. The gift of love.
Inner child works helped me to find the lost little girl within, healing the sad and pensive child sitting alone in the corner recesses of my mind. I share my inner child experiences with you and I share my story with you, and I will share what I find with you, in Resources.
Today, I am still travelling and I think I will continue searching. Walking a different path, but searching. And searching is no longer daunting or arduous. The searching is fun, hopeful and exciting. Because it is not what I find but it is what I will learn along the ways that matters.