“Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.” ~Pauline R. Kezer
Change is inevitable – like the prevailing southerly breeze. Change needs to happen and should happen. A seed can remain a seed. But if the seed is planted, it will bud and change. After all, a budding plant cannot remain just a budding plant in the right conditions, it will change, and through the seasons become a blooming flower. We are like the seed. We can choose to remain a seed, and there is nothing wrong with that.
But, if you feel stuck and want to change, there are processes and procedures a person goes through in order to being themselves to change. It’s easy to said than done. Change is really difficult for some people because of the fears of the unknown. For these future-focused people, it often leads to procrastination.
Change is like an onion, it has many layers. There are misconceptions that change need to be big, huge or enormous. Significant change doesn’t have to be big, it can be small changes to everyday’s life. It could be just taking the stairs rather than the lift, to increase your daily steps. It could be just having less red meat and more fish in your diet. It could be drinking more water rather than pops. Whatever it maybe, it doesn’t matter, as long as you can take this tiny dolly-steps approach to change. The big change such as moving house, getting married/divorced, changing career etc needs a different strategy. And I will get to that, after all, you can’t run before you can walk.
The next layer is to increase the dolly-steps. Make the steps bigger. How? Here are a few examples of comfortable safe dolly-steps:-
- Change your pace.
- Change something that you have been comfortable doing, safely. Such as change your route home, if you have a fear of being lost, even better, change the directions of your journey.
- Change the colour of your bedroom wall, if you owe your own home, look at the room with a different perspectives from a different colour.
- Change your mask, if you often wears your Halloween mask, change it to a Fairy mask. Whatever you change, notice what you notice.
This next layer is an even bigger dolly-step. Change something that you will be uncomfortable changing. Change something for the sake of changing. Change something that you are less confident in doing. And change your mind. Now, don’t forget our little friend – the ‘subjective experiences’. Here are a few examples of possible uncomfortable changes:-
- For some people with long hair – changing their hairstyle to a short hair will be really uncomfortable and difficult. This dolly-step will be your turning point in that maze I referred to, in my article on stuck state.
- Try changing something that is out of your comfort zone. Like changing your thinking – if you have a problem with this – try some of my relaxation techniques. Perhaps you think that you don’t have time to relax, I won’t stress that every need to find time to relax, it is your choice not to relax. Another quick way to quieten the mind from all your thinking is – curl your tongue up to the roof of the mouth, where the gum meets the top teeth and rest it there.
- Change your car – change the make of your car could be symbolic to your status. Think about how you feel if you used to have a Mercedes and if you were to change it to a cheaper less expensive car like the Micra. I am being extreme, the point here is the uncomfortable feeling and the status of the car. And as you think about this, notice the discomfort.
- Change your job – almost as high as 70% of people in the UK hates their job.
- Change your lifestyle choices.
This outer layer is the biggest change. It is the penultimate change. Now some people may have more category of change – but you get the gist. This level of change is often life changing and significant changes, that is why it is the last change to be made. It is the most difficult and most people are reluctant to change this stage. Some of the changes here include:-
- Moving house for a lot of people is really traumatic. For many elderly people it can lead to poor and deteriorating health.
- Getting married is often a time of great joy but the change is under-estimated. It is a big adjustment if two people have not live together before. It is a big adjustment to commitment to one person for the rest of your life.
- Getting divorced – what goes up, must come down. Divorce rate in the UK is higher than marriage rate.
- Having a baby is a milestone but change in lifestyle is required and adjustment have to be made to the home in preparation for the new baby.
- Your physical attractiveness is often the unspoken change that a partner often wants in their spouse. This change is evolutionary as our biological clock tick away. Tick tock. And often many people seek surgical assistance to delay their aging process.
Some change is not easy to swallow. Whatever you decided to change or not, the choice is yours and yours along. Change should be made by your will and not anyone else’s. I’m not recommending any changes, in this article, that will cause any form of irreversible distress. They are simply my observation within modern society. Whatever you decide to do with the knowledge, it’s up to you, but please note this – you can only change what you do for you. If your aim is to change others and if you change for others, your outcome might not be as you want.
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