Step back to my roots

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For years, I’ve been searching and chasing my tails! Like an Ouroboros! Really unsure of what I was looking for and testing different paths, roads and highways. I walked 500 miles. And I walked 500 more!

I don’t regret my search, it was the path that I needed to take. It was the journey that I needed to make.

Now in my 40s, at the virtue life stages of care, I came to a jolt. Halted by the realization, that I am back to the beginning of my search, back to square one, and back to my roots.

I wanted to know who I am, I wanted to know why I am here, I wanted to know; what is my purpose, I wanted to understand; what is my role and I wanted to identify the real me.

In my reach, I have read many self-help books, I have been in counselling and, still in counselling as I am studying for my MA. See more about me. I have reflected, contemplated and explored my psyche. I studied many forms of psychological approaches to understand my psychological profile. I have studied sociological societies and cultural differences. I have personally experienced polarized effects of differences between Eastern and Western societies. I have experimented with different types of therapies, mostly alternative therapies, such as hypnotherapy, NLP, aromatherapy, reflexology, mindfulness, meditation etc.

I wanted to fit in and belong, whether it be in a family group, community group, school group, or social group.

My journey was lonely at times. I had loneliness as my company. At times, I found myself to be lost. Tempted by materialism and greed, I began to acquire un-necessities. I was pressured into being someone that I didn’t like. I was comparing and competing against others, forced to see thou as enemy. I was confused by etiquette and political correctness.

My journey was blocked when I got stuck. Like a runner; hitting a wall, I could go no further. I was physically and mentally exhausted.

I was so busy in my search that I’d missed the beauty of my ecology. I passed through many wonders, many people and many places. Whizzing at 100 miles per hour! I missed it all!

It was only when I came to slowing down. Walking slowly and slowing my speed and pace that I realized what I had missed.

Going right back to my roots, from my earliest memories as a child, I missed the bonding, the connection and the love that I didn’t know or had. I missed having someone that I can trust. I longed for the touch and intimacy of being wanted. I yearned in my heart for the acceptance and welcoming. That’s the reason for my search.

Going back to my roots allow me to retrace my footprints in the sand. It allows me to relive some of the painful experiences and traumas in childhood. It allows me to find the earliest pain that was deep in my core. My heart and my maternal imago, and being Thai and being a Buddhist.

Going back to my roots, I found the gift that was given, the unspoken gifts and the gift made up the person I am today. The gift of love.

Inner child works helped me to find the lost little girl within, healing the sad and pensive child sitting alone in the corner recesses of my mind. I share my inner child experiences with you and I share my story with you, and I will share what I find with you, in Resources.

Today, I am still travelling and I think I will continue searching. Walking a different path, but searching. And searching is no longer daunting or arduous. The searching is fun, hopeful and exciting. Because it is not what I find but it is what I will learn along the ways that matters.

Identify yourself

individuality

Hypnotherapy and Psycho-therapeutic counselling, REBT, and NLP Transformation Coach based in Marlow, Bucks.

Identity, according to Psychologist, is the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person chooses, so others can recognize them. It is an impression of oneself through one’s own eyes. You can also called it a label.

It is a way of being identified. And the process of identity can be expressed creatively or destructively.

I once went on a training workshop, a woman introduced herself to me, “Hi, I’m social-phobic!” She identified herself as someone who fears social settings, because she believed herself to lack social skills.

The way a person introduces themselves to other people, is their self-identity and self-perception. Based on self-belief and self-worth.

However, there are other factors that determined identity. Some of which are:-

  • Role – a person’s employment or job title. Work and career identity is important and often closely associates with stautus identity.  How a person perceive their role identity says a lot about the person.
  • Health – a person’s health, illness and disabilities. In the case of my social-phobic friend. This person closely identity with their disadvanated health.
  • Status – a person’s class. Status identity is symbolic and dependant on finance and wealth. A person who identifies themselves with their status is proudly presented, with views of class or importance. This include famous celebrities.
  • Race – a person’s ethnicity and original of birth. A person who identifies with race is one whose accepts their birth rights, their ethnicity and their original. Acceptance of race means accepting cultural differences. There are great dissonance in societies regarding race today. The colour of racism comes in many guise.
  • Religion – a person’s religious beliefs. A person who identify themselves to religion is often seen preaching and disregarded for their belief. Religion plays an important role in the formation of society. It is a way to bring community together. It is a way to unite people to gather peacefully and congregate in social settings.
  • Weight – a person’s body size. A person who identify with their weight is often
  • Intellect – a person’s intelligence is concern with their mental capacity to brainpower. The sharpness and alertness of their mind. Someone who value their mental awareness and aptness for witty and quick response is seen to be on the ball.
  • Interests & hobbies – a person’s general leisurely activities. If you are a person who identifies with your interests and hobbies, this expresses creativity and art.

We are so caught up in our history and our habits that we became to identify ourselves with what others tell us. I know that, I was one. I used to identify myself using the factors above.

I used to intrapersonally think that; “I’m quick witted, intelligent, highly driven in my career, striving for independence and stature.”

And now? I realized that I am more than my identity. I am more than my body, my mind and my feelings. I am all of it and much more, expressing my transpersonal self.

Recognizing my identity means knowing myself and know my will.

Recognizing my identity means that I have a choice how and who I identify myself with in the interpersonal relationship and in communication. Identity does not have to be set in stone, nor does it has to be rigid, and according to NLP presuppositions, those with greatest flexibility exerts greatest impression.

How you identify yourself to others is important because you will imprint an impression. Did you know that the first 4 minutes matters a lot? The first 4 minutes of meeting someone new is the time that it takes for that person to form an impression of you.

Have a go at being impressive in the first 4 minutes. I love to hear about your experience of it.

Self-help Books vs Face-to-Face Therapy


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Before I started training to become a therapist, I had lots of self-help books on my shelves, gathering dusts. You might be familiar with that. I regularly buy self-development books, with a very good intention to read it. If you are like me, you might have a list of all the books and their costs on spreadsheet (for a quick reference). But, out of the hundreds and hundreds of books, have you got time to reading them? There is nothing more welcoming in a home than seeing a house full of literature.

However, some of the self-help books are contradictory, confusing and condescending. You know and you have the resources to change. You know what it take to shed that last few pounds. You know what you need to do to quit smoking. You know how to reduce and prevent your anxieties. You know why it is that your mind goes blank in certain situation. And you know why it is that you can’t hold a conversation in social settings. See…you already know without reading. But, I won’t discourage that reading is extremely helpful to give you another perspectives base on the author’s subjective experiences. I love books especially self-help books for the different ideas and methods to resolving something that I may try and tested it for myself.

During my training, I had to buy lots of reference books to accompany my training, so that’s my excuse for not reading the books I already have gathering dust. And you know what, I don’t want to part with it until I finish reading them. Once, I’d read a book, I can discard it or sell it on. And I see many sellers selling old books, although I am not sure if I can sell mine, as I marked, referenced and written on them. My point is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with self-help, self-development books and I praise them. The book that I cherished are shared on my Instagram page. Check it out for yourself and follow me on social media.

However, nothing beat face-to-face interaction of a therapy session. As you are getting to know your therapist, you can really engage. In the first few sessions, you are still getting to know each other in therapy, which is why therapy sessions should be a minimum of 6 sessions. Don’t forget, you’ve only just met for about an hour. How can you expect to know each other in just an hour. These things take time. Time is a great many things. Time to reflect. Time to heal. Time to get to know each other.

Often, clients come into my therapy room, not knowing which way to turn. They are stuck in their old shoes. A simple answer would be to put on a new pair, right? Well, if only it was that easy to find a new comfortable pair. That’s often why, generally, people find it hard to get out of their comfort zone and change, as they compare the safe comfort to the competitive change. Did you know that comparison and competition both drive to control your actions, it is what kept you lost and stuck.

When you walk into my therapy room, you’ve made a change and broken free from your old routines. You want to make the change with face-to-face therapy. You are curious about what you find out. And it’s good to be curious. It’s good to be afraid of change too. It’s good to be worried about what you might uncover. Do you recall reading a really good book, the one that you can’t put down, that’s right, that one? Imagine that the book that you are reading is a book of stories of your life. Imagine reading it and imagine being curious and encapsulated with the story. Imagine that the next chapter is your therapy work and as you work through your issues, imagine the rest of your story unfolding. No wonder you can’t put that book down!

So turn the page and explore face-to-face therapy. It offers you, the opportunity to freely express your concerns, worries, and anything on your mind in a safe space. You can learn a lot about sitting with your discomforts. You’ll learn more than any self-help or psychological books. May be you are wondering why you behave in a certain ways around your parents and family members. Safe disclosure can reveal vast arena of complex relational dynamics within family groups.

Sometimes, it is easy to read those self-help books because it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t disagree and it doesn’t question you. And because of this, those old shoes are so comfortable. However, I implore you to be curious about learning more about the why you do the things you do, be curious about the what make you do the things you do, be curious about when is it that you do the things you do, and be curious about where you see yourself doing the things that you and if you wish to continue this pattern of behaviours.

Change is possible – just think about it because you know it.