Breaking barriers of ego defences

Hypnotherapy and Psycho-therapeutic counselling, REBT, and NLP Transformation Coach based in Marlow, Bucks.

Breaking barriers, here, means overcoming obstacles, blocks and stuckness. As a child of history grows up, she developed life skills, cognition, interpersonal skills from people around her. People in the family group (mum, dad, brother, sister, etc.), people in the tribal group (religious leader, governor, town crier, etc.) and people in the community group (teacher, carer, nurses, doctor, etc). People she recognised in her outer world, became the people in her inner world, creating many subpersonalities. As you introject, the outside becomes the inside.

When you grow up, you idolise others in order to learn another way of being, in certain situation. You learned by observation, imitation and mimicking. Learning is a state of being curious about something or someone. Learning is something that can be surmised to be innate. Learning is a nature part of evolutionary development. But, learning is also nurtured. Many of us may not have been nurtured healthy. Our parents aren’t always to blame, as they too are wounded parents, with a hurt inner child. When we learned from these role models, we were not conscious of the impact on our adult self.

And you learned by oppression, omission and submission too, the unhealthy part of learning. You become what you learned, just as you are what you eat. Imagine if you were oppressed to learn the etiquette of behaving in a certain ways in a presence of elderly family members. Imagine if you were cared for in a secured environment of the family unit, but love was omitted, affection was abandoned within the family. Imagine if you had to submit your will and were taught to accepting your parent’s will and their fantasy for you to become a doctor, a lawyer, a ballet dancer etc. or some profession that you do not wish to be. How well would you learn? Sure, you can learn to be all of the above, but as you learn to become someone else, something else is lost, the essence of your truth is lost.

As we become learned helpless, we learned to become someone else. And getting to know the person behind that mask become difficult as you get older. The behaviour learned become set in concrete. It is difficult to break some old habits and automatic mindset. But, not impossible to break your barriers.

Curious? Curiosity is a good friend of mine. Curiosity allows me to make the change I want. Be curious of your blockages. Be curious of the limitation you placed upon yourself. Be curious of where you are stuck.

Questioning? Questioning make me challenge the way I used to do things, the way I used to behave around certain person and the way I used to think about things. Questioning self-assesses and self-evaluate behaviours, actions and thinking. Questioning acts as a prompt to discredit your negative ego defences.

Change. Change the way you do things. Change direction to work. Change your looks or hairstyles. Change your mind. Change your interests and hobbies. Change is a good place to start taking action, if you are serious about knocking down your barriers of ego defences. Change for the sake of changing. Change and be comfortable with being uncomfortable with new changes.

Be prepare to lose. Be prepare to lose part of your old self as you eliminate unwanted barriers. Be prepare to go through the grief cycle as you psychologically lose part of yourself that have been self-serving. Be prepare to do the emotional water work.